Submitted for your viewing pleasure
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron. "
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's Not Unusual."
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Hop-Sing-Lee. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.
14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Bad i know but i hope i got at least one smile from you
ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Devious Journal Entry
Hello all
Loading up some images for some friends of mine at the Tampa Bay Hackers club for gaming.
I hope everyone likes the images and I hope everyone is doing well.
Devious Journal Entry
Been off for a long time between work n thing almost forgot about da sorry
my mom passed away
hey
sorry guys i have been off line and not comenting or viewing and for that i am sorry, but my moms heath just kept getting worse, in the end i could not even leave the house except for runs to the doctor, the er, pick up meds or do the shopping.
3 weeks ago tonight my mom had an attack i guess her heart just couldn't hold out any more
and in the early hours the following wendsay morning her light went out on this earth forever.
she sufferd so much towards the end. i am not going to sit here and write about how unfair it is or why her. but i will say she was an amazing person who tought me how to be the best human being i could be. i ha
Thoughts
I will get around to answering messages and comments as well as posting and commenting as soon as i finnish up this last job, i am buying a house too this month so i have been kinda crazy. thanks
ED
Act now. For now is all you have.
Action is the food and drink which will nourish my success.
Action will destroy your procrastination.
All men must stumble often to reach the truth.
All nature is a circle of moods and you are a part of nature and so, like
the tides, your moods will rise; your moods will fall.
All your problems, discouragements, and heartaches are, in truth, great
opportunities in disguise.
Always let your reach ex
© 2005 - 2024 megaduce
Comments17
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LMAO oh those were bad but oh sooooo funny! Thank you I sure needed the laughs